hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
