White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
