wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
