she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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