hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
