i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have post one night stand depression
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