Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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