Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
