So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
