you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
