I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
