3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You smell like stripper and shame
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
