so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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