There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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