I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
