I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
