So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
