it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
