It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
