my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
