I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
