My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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