Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
