i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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