then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Enjoy the penises
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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