I skipped work to stalk him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
