I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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