Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
