She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
