I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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