You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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