There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Terrible idea I love it
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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