Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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