coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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