she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His hands were made for my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
