I need help removing her.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
