So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
