i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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