Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
