and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
