I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
