Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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