I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
