I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
