Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
