Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
