she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
