She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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