she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So much rum. So many feels.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I believe in your delicious
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
