you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
