Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
