shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
false alarm, still single
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