my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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