Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A+ Viking dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
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