so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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