3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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