i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ruined the universe
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
