I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize