So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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