I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
