K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
not ubering you a puppy
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
