Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
