just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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