ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
