We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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