i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Your penis caused this!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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