Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
