I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
