Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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