Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
