Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
