There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
