I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
