Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
