When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
