I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
