my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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