she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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