If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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