this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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