You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
